My friends are being mean to me!

First, are you safe?

Making talking to a trusted adult, school counsellor, parent/carer or Kids Helpline your first step if...

Your friendship is making you feel scared, threatened, unsafe, pressured, or worried about retaliation, or; 

There are threats, stalking, physical violence, image-based abuse, harassment, or online pile-ons.

Is it a bad friend moment or bullying?

It can really hurt when a friend treats you badly

We all have bad friend moments sometimes. They can happen when someone’s in a bad mood, has a bad day or when we aren’t our best selves in a fight/disagreement.

It hurts to be on the receiving end of a bad friend moment. Sometimes, bad friend moments can even look like bullying. But there are some important differences. And, if you think you’re experiencing bullying, this article can help.

They tell me it’s just a joke, or I’m too sensitive... but I think it’s bullying

Am I overreacting?

Sometimes friendly teasing and jokes are a sign of affection and a normal part of healthy friendships. This is known as ‘banter’.

Sometimes people try to cover up bullying by making it out like mean comments and actions are banter. And sometimes, banter just goes too far, and it crosses a line.

Here's how to tell the difference.

Dealing with meanness

What to say and do to try and sort it out.

There are a few options for dealing with these types of rude or mean behaviours. You can try being kind and patient and see if things get better on their own. Some one-off moments pass quickly, but you don’t have to ignore something that hurts. 

But if it’s really bothering you, or you’re worried it might be a bigger thing, you can talk to your friend about it. Only do this if it feels safe. If they might react badly, talk to a trusted adult first.

Here's how to have the conversation:

• Avoid clapbacks that could escalate things. We don’t mind a bit of sass, but stuff like, “You’re toxic”, “Get a life”, or “You’re just jealous” might make things worse. 
• Start by sharing how you feel using “I” statements. “I’ve been feeling a bit upset lately — can we talk about it?” You don’t need to deliver a TED Talk. Just be clear, honest and safe. 
• Then, name the behaviours and gently ask about them. Say, “You don’t seem like yourself lately. Every time we talk, it feels like you’re a bit annoyed. Is everything okay?” 
• Listen without judging. Let them know you want to work things out. Say, “I really care about you and I’ve been worried. Can we work through this and support each other?” 

If you’re looking for more communication strategies, ways to deal with conflict, or how you can manage boundaries with friends, check out our assertive communication guide. If it’s happening online, check out our cyberbullying guide. 

What if I say something and they still don’t get it?

What to do if they don’t listen.

In an ideal world, we’d talk about things and they’d get better. But sometimes things don’t go according to plan, no matter how much you want them to. 

If they mock you, deny it, blame you or get meaner, that’s really stressful and upsetting. That’s also useful information - because if someone keeps hurting you after you’ve asked them to stop, that tells you something. 

Being loyal doesn’t mean letting someone walk all over you! You don’t have to keep explaining yourself, or ‘confront’ the group alone. Get some support from someone you trust. 

You can also set some boundaries. Boundaries aren’t punishments. They’re instructions for how you’re willing to be treated.

Use “I feel” statements, be specific about what’s happening, and add a consequence (i.e. what you will do if your boundary isn’t respected). 

For example: “I feel really hurt and disrespected when you make jokes about my appearance. I need us to stop doing that, or I'll have to step away from the conversation.” 

We have an article dedicated to managing your boundaries here.

Friendship dramas: quick solutions

A fast guide to responding to common issues like competitiveness, critical friends and one-sided friendships.

Disclaimer: friendships are complicated, and there’s no one-size-fits-all solution for drama. If possible, try talking it out with your friend, or talk to a trusted adult for support. These strategies are just a guide. If the behaviour feels like bullying, these quick tips may not be enough.

No matter the reasons, you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

Is gossip all that bad?

Gossip isn't always pure evil - in fact, it can sometimes be harmless, or at least neutral.

Put simply, gossip is just talking about someone when they're not around.

There's a theory that gossip evolved as a way for people to stay safe. Being able to warn a friend that someone had a history of being mean, lying, or hurting people was a way to protect others. Even nowadays, figuring out safety - through gossip - is a way gossip can be helpful.

Gossiping can also help us bond and feel closer to people, learn about social dos and don'ts, and yeah, it can even be entertaining.

Venting can get a bad rap sometimes, but healthy venting has been shown to be good for both mental health and relationships. So it's fair to say that gossip isn't all bad.

Gossip is tricky though, because it can cross a line. It can become toxic when:

• It betrays trust. If someone told you something in confidence, it can often be a good idea to keep it to yourself. After all, if someone is sharing juicy secrets with you, they're probably going to share juicy secrets about you, too.
• It involves lies or rumours. It's one thing to share news about someone, but gossip can grow, take on a life of it's own, get exaggerated or even be completely fake.
• It hurts reputations. Sometimes gossip is weilded like a weapon to make other people think badly of someone.
• It creates unnecessary drama. Fake fights, trash talking, dissing someone for being themselves, etc., all creates a toxic vibe that isn't much fun.
• It causes real harm. If it's making someone feel stressed, upset, isolated or excluded, that's a redflag.

Why are people being so mean to me?

Is it my fault?

Short answer: No — being treated badly is not your fault. When people treat you badly, it’s often not about you. It’s about their own personal issues. Understanding why someone acts this way doesn’t mean you have to put up with it. 

Here are some reasons why people might get a bit nasty: 

• They don’t realise they’re coming across like that 
• It’s a miscommunication or misunderstanding – people can communicate differently for all sorts of reasons, e.g. cultural 
• There’s a personality or values clash, e.g. some people think it’s rude to ask to borrow things, while other people think it’s okay to ask and okay for someone to say no 
• They’ve got personal stuff going on like difficulties at home or mental health issues 
• They have trouble regulating their emotions or are going through lots of stress 
• Social dynamics. Maybe they’ve been bullied before or feel pressured by friends to act a certain way 

These aren’t ‘excuses’ for being mean to someone. Mean behaviour isn’t okay.  

Sometimes we blame ourselves for other people’s behaviour when it’s totally out of our control and not about us at all! 

If what’s happening does feel personal, like you’re being deliberately targeted, it may be a sign of bullying. Here’s some more info on that. 

How to respectfully end a friendship

Sometimes friends are just friends-for-a-while – and that’s okay.

It’s really normal for relationships to be temporary or situation specific. And it’s normal for some friendships to have an expiry date. It can still hurt to let a friendship go. Here's some ways to wrap up a friendship. 

Friendships can be tricky 

Relationships challenges is second most common reason why teens reach out to Kids Helpline for support.

If you need to talk it through, get in touch — or talk with another trusted adult. Talking it out can help you sort out your own headspace around things, too. Give us a call or start a webchat to get respectful and confidential support.

This content was last reviewed 13/08/2026