Bullying: the ultimate support guide
Whether you're being bullied, supporting someone experiencing bullying, or you've been told you're bullying someone else, there's something here to help. <3
We've compiled some information below just for you.
Bullying help, info & strategies for teens
The fact you're here means you might be experiencing bullying or you're supporting someone who is.
We're really sorry that you (or someone you care about) is going through this! Bullying is never ok, and it can have a big impact on wellbeing, mental health and self-worth. We're here to help and support you.
What do you need help with?
This content is made possible thanks to fundraising by Charlotte's Wish.
I'm being bullied: strategies and coping
Here's all our articles, resources and more on stopping bullying and managing your mental health and self-esteem.
People who bully may want you to feel bad about yourself. Everyone deserves love, care, kindness and has good qualities about themselves.
It's understandable if the bullying is getting to you, but finding ways to look after yourself, and build your self-worth is powerful. And importantly, it doesn't let the bullying win.
Mental health strategies to cope with bullying
I reported it... now what? How to emotionally cope after being bullied.
Let’s get real for a second – bullying, and people who bully, are deliberately trying to cause you harm. They want you to feel like crap. And the toxic stuff they do to bring you down really works.
It’s understandable if being bullied is affecting your wellbeing. Bullying can be harmful!
And the responsibility shouldn’t be on you to manage those consequences. But unfortunately, for so many of us – we’re the ones who have to deal with the aftermath of being picked on and tormented.
Our counsellors want to give you the best anti-bullying mental health strategies we have so you have the best chance of combating that negativity. Remember: coping strategies are super personal, so it’s important to find stuff that works best for you!
Strategy 1: Try not to take it personally
Bullying can feel very personal when you’re being targeted. But you’re not the problem.
The bigger picture is that people who bully are choosing to be cruel on purpose (they know exactly what they’re doing). You’re not responsible for that. We all have an onus on us to NOT be jerks – that's why ‘AITA?’ threads on Reddit exist.
Like seriously, they don’t have to even be ‘nice’ to you – they just have to leave you alone/not go out of their way to be mean. If they can’t – or won’t – do that, they’ve got problems. You are not the problem – their behaviour is. And that’s why you shouldn’t blame yourself.
Strategy 2: Use humour
Bullying is no laughing matter! But, humour, if used the right way, can be a way to take back your power (in certain bullying situations).
Wanting to try humour as a mental health strategy? Here’s one suggestion that might help!
Imagine you’re a comedian telling a funny story about the bullying you’re experiencing. In your story, you’re the somewhat perplexed hero – and the bullying is so petty and so silly, that it’s actually entertaining. The person using the bullying is vexing you at every turn, thinking they’re using your ‘kryptonite’ against you – but you’re looking at all their behaviours thinking, ‘lmao, what on earth are they thinking? They call that an insult?’
Remember: this strategy isn't about minimising or dismissing something that's causing harm. Rather, it's about changing your perspective on it to take back your power and improve your wellbeing.
We know this can be a bit tricky to grasp, so here’s a real-life story using humour that might help:
“This girl started treating me badly. She’d make up rumours behind my back, and act like she couldn’t see or hear me anytime I spoke. At first, I was hurt and embarrassed by her behaviour, but then I spoke to my friend who had noticed what was going on. We started laughing about how ridiculous and childish it was to pretend she didn’t see me when I opened the door for her or ignore me when I spoke. We were laughing so hard about it! After that, her behaviour bothered me a whole lot less – every time it happened, I couldn’t help but find it funny. Like I was some figment of her imagination, and my phone was just floating in thin air or something. It didn’t stop her from doing it, but it no longer got to me – and I could tell she was bothered by how cheerful I was whenever she saw me!”
Strategy 3: Use compassion
Not gonna lie, this one can be tricky to do too. But if you can learn to do it and do it well, it can be a great strategy for life.
Being kind to someone who bullies isn’t the same as letting them off the hook. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for someone is hold them accountable and not enable them to keep hurting people. This becomes a powerful strategy because you’re living up to your values and being the bigger person.
One way you could try out this strategy is to put yourself on the witness stand!
Imagine you’re a psychologist (or maybe a Kids Helpline counsellor?) giving evidence in a court room. The court wants your expert opinion on ‘why’ that person is acting in such a harmful way. You have a professional curiosity about what caused them to turn out this way and do these things. You feel kind of bad for them because you know that ‘hurt people hurt people’, i.e. someone who gets off on harming someone might be really suffering on the inside. That’s not an excuse, and doesn’t let them off the hook – but they must be pretty miserable to want to make other people hurt in order to help themselves feel better! If their behaviour was a cry for help, what is it saying about them?
Real life story of using compassion as a wellbeing strategy to cope with bullying:
“My friend was bullied by this guy who was a total narcissist. He was charming and popular. They had to spend a lot of time alone together working on a project. When no one else was around, he’d put her down – he'd tell her she was stupid, criticse her appearance, etc... My friend would get angry and try to defend herself and he’d just laugh and mock her. It really got to her – she ended up in a negativity spiral, like his toxicity was poisoning her happiness. He was totally living rent free in her head and his comments eroded her self-worth. The worst bit is he seemed to find it entertaining to torment her.
She decided she had to stop getting pulled down by his BS. Every time he got toxic, instead of getting angry, she’d let him know that she felt bad for him. It worked, he stopped criticising her (maybe because he wanted her miserable and it wasn’t working anymore, idk) and told her he, ‘didn’t need her pity’. Even more importantly, her mental health got better. Rather than focusing on feeling bad about herself and ruminating over everything he was saying and doing, she accepted that she wasn't responsible for his behaviour, or for changing him. She just decided to be a good role model. I think she deserves to be admired for that!”
Strategy 4: Get revenge (said no counsellor ever) – by living your best life!
Unfortunately, haters are sometimes gonna hate on you.
No matter what you do, there will be people who don’t like you for simply being who you are – and some people seem to think that gives them the right to take it out on you or ‘take you down a peg’. If you did change yourself, blame yourself, hate yourself, etc., they still wouldn’t be satisfied.
So don’t give them satisfaction! You do you. Do what makes you happy and live your life to the fullest! (And get support from Kids Helpline or another professional if you need it - you deserve to be safe and happy!)
My friend is being bullied
It’s really hard seeing someone you care about experience bullying.
A lot of bystanders (bullying witnesses) report feeling stuck and hopeless. Knowing how to intervene in bullying can make a difference in preventing and stopping it. Added bonus: being an upstander (someone who stands up to bullying) is good for your own mental health and makes you a great person all-round!
Protecting friends from bullying
Here's what to do to be an 'upstander' if you witness bullying.
Disapprove
Show you disapprove, e.g. frown at a mean joke and shake your head to show you don’t think it’s right.
Interrupt
Interrupt the bullying by talking directly to the person being bullied, e.g. “Hey, there you are!”
Escape route
Give the person being bullied an excuse to leave the situation, e.g. “The teacher is looking for you."
Call it out
If you feel safe to do so, you can actually verbally disagree to the face of the people doing the bullying. A good standard line is, "We don't do that here."
Support
In private, let the person being bullied know that you saw the bullying, and offer support, e.g. “I saw what happend at lunch and it's not ok. How can I help?”
Report
Help them report it to trustworthy adults, such as a teacher, parent, or Kids Helpline.
Call out
Correcting harmful behavior fast, publicly.
- “That crossed a line.”
- “Cut it out.”
- “Can we not pile on?”
- “You’re taking it too far.”
- “We’re not doing this.”
- “Wow, that’s so mean.”
- “We don’t do that here.”
Call in
Educating and building empathy, in private..
- “Can I talk to you about what happened?”
- “I don’t think that came across how you intended.”
- “What reaction were you hoping for?”
- “I know you can handle this differently.”
- “I’d want someone to tell me if I came across that way.”
If ‘calling out’ a behaviour is a ‘push’, then calling in is a ‘pull’. We need both push and pull to combat bullying.
I’ve been told I’m bullying someone
It takes real guts to hear that, take it on board and act.
The fact you’re here and wanting to change is impressive. First things first, you're NOT a 'bully'... You might engage in bullying behaviours, but that does not make you a 'bully'. Bullying is a behaviour, not a personality trait or identity. And behaviour can change. Step 1: understand why you're bullying (reasons can be varied and complicated). Step 2: Skill up and make a behaviour change.
Step 2: How to change your bullying behaviours
Good on you for owning it and wanting to change - that takes courage! The good news is, that not only can you stop bullying others, but your life will probably get better because of it. Stuff that can really help you change your behaviour for the better includes:
- learning strategies to manage your stress and emotions
- developing empathy (understanding how others feel – let’s be honest, being bullied really, really sucks)
- learning different social skills and problem-solving skills, e.g. other ways to manage conflict.
All this stuff will improve your mental health and result in deeper, more authentic and genuine friendships with others. It’s a win-win!
How can Kids Helpline help me with bullying?
Counselling
Talking it through with an expert on the phone or on webchat can help you get personalised strategies, unique to you, to stop bullying and improve your mental health.
Support from other teens
My Circle is a private, safe social media platform where you can get bullying support from other teens who are going through or have been through bullying themselves.
Info & other help
We’ve got a library of videos about bullying and cyberbullying including real life stories from teens and expert strategies from counsellors. Also, check out our mental health app, Qwibbl.
Other support services for bullying and cyberbullying
Feeling unsafe, suicidal, or like you might hurt yourself? Please call 000.
It’s hard to stop bullying on your own – especially if it’s been happening for a while (and you’ve already tried a bunch of stuff to get it to stop).
Getting trustworthy adults/professionals involved isn’t the same as ‘dobbing’ and can help to stop the bullying fast. If you contact us via phone or webchat, we can refer you to services that can support you.
This content is made possible thanks to fundraising by Charlotte's Wish.
This content was last reviewed 10
