Teen boy on a swing surrounded by threatening graffiti.

The dark side of bullying

When bullying becomes unsafe or illegal

Bullying is really challenging experience and is never ok. Sometimes, bullying can overlap with, or cross a line into even more harmful behaviours, like harassment, abuse and more. It is particularly important to reach out for help if what you are experiencing is dangerous, illegal or life threatening.

This article will help you figure out if what you're experiencing goes beyond bullying into something even more serious - and what to do about it.

This article was written in consultation with young people from yourtown's youth network.

Bullying is one type of harmful behaviour

There are lots of other types of behaviour that can cause harm.

If you’re experiencing harmful behaviours, you’re probably asking yourself, "Is this bullying?". Sometimes the answer is yes, it is. But sometimes the behaviours are harassment, discrimination, abuse, assault or a combination of several things. We know some of those terms can sound scary or really serious. You don’t have to figure out if you’re experiencing these things (or what to do about them) on your own.

While labels can be helpful, the most important thing is understanding what's happening, how it's affecting you and where you can get support.

If somebody's behaviour is making you feel unsafe, threatened, intimidated, humiliated or afraid, it deserves to be taken seriously.

What are the main types of illegal harmful behaviours?

And how can I tell what type of harmful behaviour I'm experiencing?

Here are some examples of the main types of harmful behaviours that are against the law:

Abuse - being hurt or harmed by someone that you trust, usually repeatedly over time.
Assault - being physically, emotionally or sexually hurt or targeted.
Harassment - experiencing unwanted behaviour that's intended to intimidate, humiliate or offend you.
Discrimination - being treated unfairly because of things like your race, religion, disability, gender identity or sexuality.

If you think you’re experiencing abuse, harassment or any of the above behaviours, it’s not your fault. No one deserves to be treated like that.

For your safety and wellbeing, try not to respond in a way that could put you at risk or make the situation worse. Think about who you can go to, where you can be safe, and what you can do if it keeps happening. And get support from a trustworthy adult before deciding what to do next.

When does bullying become a crime?

And what do illegal bullying-adjacent behaviours look like?

Bullying is a specific type of harmful behaviour that involves repeated, intentional actions designed to cause harm and relies on an imbalance of power. Want to learn more about the ins and outs of bullying? Check out our ultimate bullying guide!

Although bullying itself is not always a criminal offence, some behaviours may cross the line and become abuse, assault, harassment or discrimination. These behaviours can include:

Physical violence

Physical attacks, assaults or actions causing injury.

Violent threats

Threatening to seriously harm or kill someone.

Sexual harassment, abuse or assault

Any unwanted sexual behaviour that makes someone feel uncomfortable, unsafe, intimidated or humiliated. This can include touching, hurting or targeting someone through sexual comments, actions or behaviours without their consent.

Damage to property

Vandalising, breaking or damaging someone’s belongings to intimidate or control them.

Hate-based behaviour

Behaviour targeting someone because of their race, religion, disability, gender identity or sexual orientation. This can happen online or in-person.

Image-based abuse

Sharing (or threatening to share) private or intimate images without consent or creating deepfake content (e.g. using AI to create fake or damaging content using someone’s face or voice).

Stalking

Repeated following or tracking behaviour that causes a person to fear for their safety. This may involve physically following someone (showing up as their house, school or work) or invasive online behaviour (spamming messages, multiple follows, contacting after being blocked).

Coercive control

When someone keeps trying to control or scare another person. This could include things like deciding who they can and can't talk to and making the other person feel like they have to do what they're told.

The most important question isn't always, "What should I call this?" It's often, "How is this affecting me and who can help?" If something feels wrong, trust yourself and talk to a trustworthy adult. The goal is understanding, safety and support.

What happens if I tell someone?

Behaviours beyond bullying are often treated differently by schools, workplaces, sporting organisations, online platforms and the law.

Laws can vary across states and territories too. You can find out more about the laws where you live at Youth Law Australia.

Most of these places (schools, workplaces, etc.) will also have policies around how they respond to these behaviours.

It can be scary to speak up and talk about experiences of harm. Things can feel uncertain and unknown, and just starting the conversation and saying things out loud can feel out of reach.

Remember that your story is always important and supportive people (like teachers, parents, police, mental health supports) have a responsibility to believe you and take action to help. You have a right to be safe.

If you get a response that isn’t helpful, doesn't take it seriously enough, or doesn't support your right to safety and wellbeing, don't let it deter you. Talk to the adult again, or talk to another trustworthy adult.

When telling adults, you can always ask to be in the 'driver's seat'. Anything that happens from there should include you.

That doesn’t always mean you can control every step of the journey, but you CAN ask to be kept in the loop, explained the process and have your needs and preference taken into account.

Why talking helps

Talking about what’s happening and understanding what behaviour you're experiencing can help you:

Explain what's happening
Access the right support
Understand your rights
Know where and how to report it

There's no right or wrong thing to say. Tell your story your way, in your own words. Trustworthy adults will ask questions to help you talk it through.

FAQs

Here are some of the commonly asked questions our counsellors hear.

What if it’s not that big of a deal? 

If it’s affecting you, it matters! It can be tempting to compare experiences and wonder whether something is "serious enough" to ask for help. The truth is that all harmful behaviours can have a significant impact on wellbeing, mental health and feelings of safety. You don't need to wait until something gets worse before reaching out for support.

If you’re unsure, you can still talk to someone you trust. You don’t have to prove it’s “bad enough” to deserve help.

What if I don’t have any proof?

You don’t need concrete proof or every piece of the puzzle to let someone know what’s happening.

Having someone in your corner to support is so important, particularly if you are experiencing harmful or dangerous behaviours. It is important to let a supportive adult in your life know ASAP if you are experiencing any form of aggression, threats, discrimination or harassment. They can then be a part of supporting you to put the puzzle together to gain proof and report it.

I'm worried about what happens next. What do I do?

Telling someone doesn’t mean you lose control or that things have to blow up. You can ask what might happen next, who needs to know and what your options are. A trusted adult or support service can help you work out the safest way to make it stop. If someone thinks you’re in serious danger, they may need to act to keep you safe — but you still deserve to be listened to and included.

What if it’s both bullying and harassment, assault or abuse at the same time?

Sometimes behaviour fits more than one category.

Human behaviour is complicated and harmful behaviour doesn't always fit neatly into one box. Sometimes bullying can escalate or overlap with behaviour that is unsafe, harmful or illegal. For example:

Someone repeatedly targets you because of your race. This may be both bullying and discrimination.
Someone spreads humiliating rumours about you online. This may be bullying and harassment.
Someone threatens you, controls your behaviour or physically harms you. This may be abuse, assault or a criminal offence.
Someone keeps making fake accounts to message, threaten or humiliate you. This may be bullying, harassment or stalking.
Someone shares, threatens to share, or edits a private image of you without consent. This may be both bullying and image-based abuse.

In these cases, the bullyilng and the other type of behaviours all need to be dealt with in the right ways.

Real-life story

I was bullied and stalked at the same time

When I was 14, an older boy at school asked me out. I said I was flattered, but I didn’t want to date anyone. I thought he understood and that everything was okay between us.

The next day, he saw me walking with my friends and yelled something really hurtful at me. After that, things got worse. He started spreading rumours about me and saying things that weren’t true. He and his friends also called me sexist names when they saw me at school.

Then he started following me around. He began catching the same bus as me and even getting off at my stop. I found out he was asking my friends where I was and what I was doing. He was also trying to get people to follow me on social media so he could find out more about me.

I started feeling really scared, but I didn’t tell anyone at first. I was worried people might blame me or say I had done something wrong. Then one of my friends noticed what was happening and told me I should talk to my mum or a teacher. I was nervous about telling my mum because I didn’t want her to worry or make a big deal out of it.

When I told my mum, she was really supportive. We talked about what had happened and decided what to do next together. We told the school, and they helped too. They listened to me, kept things as private as they could, and spoke to him. After that, things started to get better.

Counsellor note: What happened in this story includes bullying, sexual harassment and stalking. None of this was the young person’s fault. If someone is making you feel unsafe, scared or uncomfortable, it’s important to tell a trusted adult, teacher, counsellor or support service. You deserve help and support.

Where to get help

Here's a quick guide to services that can support you.

If you are in immediate danger, contact emergency services on 000 or speak to a trusted adult straight away.

You can also access support through:

eSafety – they can support you to learn more about or report any cyberbullying or online safety concerns.
Youth Law Australia - a free, confidential legal service for people under 25.
Crime Stoppers – they are able to take anonymous reports of a crime or to provide clarity on whether something is illegal or reportable.
Australian Centre to Counter Child Exploitation (ACCCE) - they support young people who are experiencing online exploitation (e.g. sextortion) or are being targeted online.
Policelink/police assistance line – you can talk to them about how to get police support and ask any questions. Call 131 444.

If you’re worried about reporting, talk to a trusted adult or Kids Helpline first.

Remember: You don't need to be completely sure what 'label' applies before asking for help. If something makes you feel unsafe, threatened or afraid it’s okay to ask for help. You don’t have to work it out alone.

Not sure what to do or where to turn?

You deserve support to figure it out.

Give us a call or start a webchat to get respectful and confidential support. For more information on assault, abuse, and more, check out our guide to abuse and safety.