How to tell if it's bullying
Not all unkind or hurtful behaviour is bullying. Here’s how to tell the difference.
Bullying is different from conflict or unkindness
Bullying is mean, but being mean doesn't mean bullying
- It’s normal to argue or have conflict with others
- Not all conflict, fighting or arguing is bullying
- Someone can be rude or mean and it doesn’t make them a bully
- Both bullying and unkindness can be upsetting and hurtful
Rude, mean or bullying?
Here’s what they all mean:
Rude
Carelessly saying or doing something that hurts someone, that wasn’t planned.
Mean
Purposefully saying or doing something to hurt someone on one or two occasions.
Bullying
Hurtful behaviour that’s done on purpose and repeated over time, that involves an imbalance of power.
What’s the difference?
There are four things that can help you identify bullying over unkind, rude or mean behaviour.
Bullying is:
- Unbalanced – the person who is bullying has more power (older, bigger, stronger, more control or influence).
- Targeted – they say or do things on purpose to hurt, embarrass, scare, harass or put you down.
- Harmful – leaves you feeling hurt, harmed, unsafe, threatened, unable defend yourself.
- Repeated – they act this way towards you over and over again.
How to tell if it's bullying
If you’re unsure if someone is being unkind or bullying you, ask yourself:
- Was it done on purpose to hurt you?
- Is it a pattern? Does it keep happening?
- Is it about power - do they have more control or influence than you?
If you answered YES to all of these questions, then it’s likely to be bullying.
Sometimes conflict is upsetting and unavoidable, but bullying is NEVER ok or acceptable.
This content was last reviewed
