Understanding emotional abuse

What is emotional abuse?

Emotional abuse happens when someone repeatedly treats you in a way that makes you feel scared, worthless or alone.

It’s sometimes called psychological or verbal abuse.
It can happen in any relationship – with a parent, family member, partner, ex-partner, carer or support worker.
It involves someone repeatedly saying or doing things that are damaging to your confidence, self-esteem and independence.
Emotional abuse can include constant yelling, criticising, isolating and bullying.
Emotional abuse can be just as harmful as physical abuse.
Nothing you say or do makes it ok for someone to emotionally abuse you.

Types of emotional abuse

Some examples of emotional abuse include:

Calling you names or constantly putting you down
Never saying anything kind or praising you on a success
Forcing you to do things by scaring you
Bullying, teasing or insulting you
Constantly criticising, humiliating or blaming you
Frequently swearing, shouting, yelling or screaming at you
Ignoring you or pretending you aren’t there
Controlling or withholding your money
Making you feel afraid, intimidated or threatened
Isolating you from family, friends or restricting your freedom
Having unrealistic expectations or unreasonable demands of you
Driving recklessly in the car to scare you or destroying your property
Threatening to harm you, your pets or other people you care about
Telling you that you’re worthless, unloved or not enough
Not allowing you to express your view or making fun of what you say
Treating you badly because of things you can’t change (eg. disability, religion, race, past)

You deserve to be treated with care and respect. No-one has the right to make you feel bad about yourself.

Emotional abuse can be just as hurtful and painful

While emotional abuse might not be as obvious or hurt you physically, it can be just as harmful on your mental health and wellbeing.

You may feel:

Anxious, angry or confused
Fearful of doing something wrong
Shame, guilt, helpless or controlled
Sad, lonely or like hurting yourself
Self-conscious or self-critical
Unable to express your feelings
Unloved, unwanted or rejected
Worthless, hopeless or betrayed
Unable to trust others or eager to please them
Other areas of your life (work, study) are impacted too

If emotional abuse is happening to you…

It’s important to remember:

You’re not alone

Abuse is NEVER OK

This is NOT your fault

Anyone at any point in their life can experience abuse

You deserve to be treated with care and respect

Kids Helpline is here for you

When you’re constantly being treated in a way that makes you feel bad about yourself, you may start to believe what they’re saying is true and that you deserve to be treated this way – BUT you don’t.

There are people you can talk to who can help

Here’s a list of some people you could try talking to. Remember, if at first you don’t get help, keep trying until you find somebody who will help you.