My friends are bullying someone

When a friend is bullying someone

Seeing your friend bullying someone can make you feel confused, upset or unsure what to do. It’s okay to care about your friend while knowing that bullying is not okay. There are ways you can help, and you don’t have to handle it by yourself.

Why is my friend bullying?

You might see your friend bullying someone or hear about it from others. There are many different reasons why people might bully others. They might feel stressed or angry, want to look funny or tough or they might be copying others.

Bullying is never okay, no matter what. People who bully need help and support. You can help your friend by encouraging kinder choices.

Be an upstander, not a bystander

A bystander sees bullying happen but may not know what to do yet.

An upstander finds a safe way to help.

Ways to be an upstander

There are many ways to be an upstander. You could try:

• Saying, “That’s not okay!”
• Asking the person being bullied to come with you and walking away together
• Changing the subject, e.g. “Let’s go play handball!”

If you think someone might get hurt, get help from an adult. 

How to be a good friend

Being a good friend doesn’t mean joining in or staying silent when someone is being physically or emotionally hurt. Being a good friend means encouraging kinder choices by speaking up, getting help or encouraging your friend to make things right.

If your friend was mean to someone, talk to them about it. You could say something like:

• "I saw what happened at lunch and it made me sad."
• "You're usually kind. Is something bothering you?"
• "I would want my friends to tell me if I was being unkind."

Find ways to make it right

Encourage your friend to make kinder choices. Suggest ideas for ways to make it right. You could try saying: 

• "I think we should try and be kind to them."
• "Let's say sorry and see if we can get along."
• "Tomorrow, let's try and by nicer."
• "Let's make sure we include them at lunch."

Every action, big or small, can make a difference.

Why kind choices matter

Everyone deserves to feel safe wherever they are. Kind choices can help you be brave, build stronger friendships, and create a happier and safer space for everyone.

Looking after yourself

Your feelings matter. It can be difficult to see a friend bullying someone. It’s okay to have mixed feelings. Make time to do things that help you feel calm. You might:

• Take some slow breaths
• Draw
• Listen to music
• Do an activity that brings you joy
• Spend time with someone kind or talk to someone you trust

Asking for help and support

Everyone has a role to play when it comes to stopping bullying, including adults! If someone is being hurt, tell a trusted adult. Trusted adults can help keep everyone safe, including the person being bullied and your friend.

You can talk to a trusted adult at home, at school or Kids Helpline.