Family fights

Key Messages:

It's okay to feel angry... but it's not okay to hurt someone with your body or words.

Family members have different points of view and different ways of doing things, and so sometimes they clash and fight (argue). It is usually a normal part of family life.

Parents fighting can be scary or upsetting. If you don't feel safe, go somewhere in your house you can be away from the fighting, call a relative, or Kids Helpline.

Fighting with sisters, brothers and friends can help you work out good ways to solve problems, but only if you 'fight fair'. This means you don't say mean things to the other person, tell their secrets, scream and yell, hit or kick.

Classroom preparation activities:

  • Class discussion using stories, movies, tv shows:
    Generate class discussion about family conflicts based on a story, movie or tv show that relates to this topic. Discussion questions may include: did you think the people in the movie/book were 'fighting fair'?; why do you think so?; what were the characters arguing about?; how could they have solved their differences in a different way?; how do you know if you are feeling angry how did the characters resolve their disagreements? How might you feel in that situation?
  • Draw and share:
    Boss for the day. For one day you get to be the boss in your family and make up all the rules that will help create a happy home with as few fights as possible and also the rules about how to" fight fair". Write out the rules on a sheet of paper and decorate it with pictures of what your home will be like with these new rules in place.
  • Create a symbol:
    Attack of the Angry Monster! Draw a picture of the angriest monster you can draw. Then draw yourself and all the weapons that you have to fight the angry monster e.g. you might draw a sword and write on it "run around the yard till I feel calmer" or a bomb that says "don't yell, speak calmly".
  • Group activity:
    Charades - divide the class into groups of 5 -10 (depending on class size and the abilities of the group). Ask each group to go off and write down as many things as they can think of that would help them feel safe and calm when they start to feel angry. Each group then acts out the skills to the rest of the class (taking turns) without talking and the class guesses what the skill might be.

Sample Questions:

Examples of questions students may want to ask the Kids Helpline Counsellor:

  • Why do people argue with each other?
  • How do you know if you are feeling angry?
  • What does it mean to 'fight fair'?
  • What are some ways people can work things out without arguing?